I had come so far by not using the cream for almost a week, I was determined to keep going despite the tears and the pain. New Years Eve arrived and I had a lovely dress and new boots to celebrate the occasion. My sister Renee was here with my two beautiful nieces but I couldn't go out. My face was so sore and I was so embarrassed, I couldn't face anyone. I felt so awful that they had come to celebrate with me but I had no joy in my soul. It had been stripped out of me. In my eyes, I looked like a monster and I didn't want anyone to see me.
The curtains were closed and the door was locked. I assumed my position on the sofa and that is where I stayed for a month. As my body was detoxing, I felt as though the poison was seeping into my mind. I hated myself and I didn't want any human interaction. I couldn't laugh, smile, be happy for anyone, find joy in anything. I didn't want to eat, I got very thin, but I didn't care.
I knew that I would be affected physically by withdrawal but I had no idea about the way in which it would have such a profound effect on my mind, my soul, and my spirit. I didn't recognise who I had become. I was always happy-go-lucky, I saw the best in everything and everyone and I loved to be around my family and friends. As the next few weeks unfolded, I seemed to withdraw more and more to the point where I was just a shell with a pulse.
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